 |
FREE Natural Health Newsletter
Receive natural health product reviews, recommendations and alerts.
Instant download of 20+ free health reports and exclusive interviews.
Join over 1.2 million monthly readers.
|
 |
Products Related to This Article*• Boku Superfood
High-potency superfood powder
for preventing numerous diseases
• Living Fuel SuperBerry Ultimate
Delicious superfood meal powder
for disease prevention, antioxidant boost
• Appetite for Profit (free download)
Free download summary of this top book
for discovering the truth about food companies
* Recommended by the Health Ranger.
See more recommendations on right →
|
|
 ATTENTION ALL BIRDS
Official Department of Homeland Insecurity Memo
Due to a heightened state of alert concerning the bird flu virus, the Department of Homeland Insecurity has determined that birds will no longer be offered unrestricted access to United States airspace.
As of January 1, 2006, all migratory birds will be required to arrive at international airports where Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) personnel will check for proper travel documentation and clear the birds for entry into the United States, provided they are not carrying undeclared fruit, which is even more dangerous than bird flu.
All birds wishing to enter this country will be required to carry passports, proof of immunizations, and entry visas. Birds who do not have visas will be charged (ducks will be billed) a flat $250 entry fee which must be paid three separate times, at three different government offices, after standing in three different lines as per standard INS regulations.
All undocumented birds shall here forth be deemed "terrorists."
Birds entering U.S. airspace without proper authorization will be escorted by military aircraft to the nearest landing facility. Birds ("terrorists") that approach the Pentagon or White House will be fired upon with bird-seeking air-to-air missiles. All such violence will be televised by Fox News in a glitzy special entitled "Terror from above!"
The Department of Homeland Insecurity is requesting that all hunters and N.R.A. members assemble on the U.S. / Mexico border and shoot anything that appears to be flying. This includes UFOs, which are required to be videotaped with low-resolution video cameras held by people experiencing epileptic seizures.
Birds attempting to illegally cross the U.S. / Canada border in order to gain entry will be rounded up by volunteer bird watchers armed with high-powered binoculars and delivered to Tyson Foods' Guantanamo Bay Division for interrogation at the hands of experienced bird torturers. (Torture photos will be posted online by Dick Cheney.)
Parrots that unquestioningly repeat everything they hear may be offered jobs as reporters covering the White House beat.
Birds who attempt to impersonate chickens will be eaten by Morgan Spurlock.
Birds whose migratory patterns are disrupted by this Homeland Insecurity action will be offered assistance from the Federal Emergency Management Association (FEMA), which is standing by with five thousand tons of ice that was never delivered to hurricane Katrina victims and still hasn't completely melted.
All bird houses owned by U.S. citizens must be registered with federal officials under Chapter IV, Section 8 of the Patriot Act. Citizens caught harboring undocumented birds in undeclared bird houses will be deemed "enemy combatants" and subjected to the whims of Tyson Foods foul interrogators.
All birds made of white meat are hereby requested to report to their nearest INS facility for processing into Chicken McNuggets.
Questions about these policies should be directed to the U.S. Department of Agriculture's food pyramid website, which has the same answer for everyone: "Drink more milk."
The Department of Homeland Insecurity, Multiplication Division
Authored by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger. Permission to distribute or repost is granted, provided credit is given to Mike Adams at http://www.NaturalNews.com/013054.html
Boost this article on YahooBuzz! Click "BuzzUp!"
About the author: Mike Adams is a natural health author and technology pioneer with a strong interest in personal health, the environment and the power of nature to help us all heal He is a prolific writer and has published thousands of articles, interviews, reports and consumer guides, impacting the lives of millions of readers around the world who are experiencing phenomenal health benefits from reading his articles. Adams is a trusted, independent journalist who receives no money or promotional fees whatsoever to write about other companies' products. In 2007, Adams launched EcoLEDs, a manufacturer of mercury-free, energy-efficient LED lighting products that save electricity and help prevent global warming. He also launched an online retailer of environmentally-friendly products (BetterLifeGoods.com) and uses a portion of its profits to help fund non-profit endeavors. He's also a veteran of the software technology industry, having founded a personalized mass email software product used to deliver email newsletters to subscribers. Adams is currently the executive director of the Consumer Wellness Center, a 501(c)3 non-profit, and enjoys outdoor activities, nature photography, Pilates and adult gymnastics. He's also author of numerous health books published by Truth Publishing and is the creator of several consumer-oriented grassroots campaigns, including the Spam. Don't Buy It! campaign, and the free downloadable Honest Food Guide. He also created the free reference sites HerbReference.com and HealingFoodReference.com. Adams believes in free speech, free access to nutritional supplements and the ending of corporate control over medicines, genes and seeds. Known as the 'Health Ranger,' Adams' personal health statistics and mission statements are located at www.HealthRanger.org
 Get articles like this delivered to you FREE in our popular email newsletter
|
Printable Version
Email this article to a friend
Share this article on: 
